A Jeanne Site
California State University, Dominguez Hills
University of Wisconsin, Parkside
Latest update: March 26, 2000
jeanne
Susan
On Sun, 26 Mar 2000, Kelly Peroutka (Andrichik) wrote: Susan,I read the papers on Dear Habermas about the six-year-old shooting. We as adults are so busy with our worlds that we don't even realize that we are forcing our children to behave like adults before they know how. When you give a child the responsibility of letting himself in the house, making his own meals, and doing his chores and homework without any help, you are forcing adult responsibilities on a small child. Kids can't rationalize like adults, and their world is very now-oriented without consequences because the adults have not had time to explain these consequences to them. I still think the problem lies in the ways society as a whole raises children.
On March 26, jeanne answered: Good point, Kelly. You've brought up another perspective from which we need to view this issue: that of the state interest in children. Children are the future for the society as a whole. That gives the entire society a stake or interest in how its children are to be nurtured and reared, for the values we pass on to the young, are the values most likely to be propagated.You have also raised the issue of how much responsibility we can cede to children without damaging their growth. As you point out, too much responsibility can drive out the discretionary time for creative play, an issue that concerns many educators today as we observe the schedules of three-year-olds. We have spoken of the stress this young child experienced through poverty and through a neighborhood at high risk for violence. But what about the stress of harried schedules for three-year-olds. Now they are shooting each other and committing suicide. What shall we do if they begin to have youthful heart attacks?
On Sunday, March 26, Phyllis McGann wrote:
I am the mother of a wonderful 10-year-old little boy. I wonder, will he be safe at school today. What does the future hold for him? We are in a new era today in which there are still too many out of control children. We, as parents, need to make it our goal and understand that second only to love is discipline. This is our responsibility to provide social guidance and protection. We must convince our child that learning self-control is her job not ours, but assure her until she is able to master the task that we, as parents, will be there to guide and protect. We must stay involved in our children's school and learning .I feel very sorry for the little girl and her parents, as they were innocent victims to this horrible crime. I feel sincere sadness for this poor little boy. I think his parents should be held accountable, since they did not provide proper social guidance. The parents should serve a life sentence for their teaching and behavior. Since most of young childrens learning is by examples.
On Sunday, March 26, jeanne answered: You've brought up some important points, Phyllis: Children need discipline, as well as love. And parents are generally in the best position to provide that discipline. Looking at the incident from that perspective has led many of us to consider the parents' lack of responsibility. I'd very much like to see your analysis and evaluation extended to the perspective of the mother. Take a look at the suggested project on this issue.Very often, in helping and/or judging others, we have a tendency to do what I call "the laying on of alternatives." The terminology comes from the "laying on of hands" of bishops as they pass God's grace on to the next of their number. As we contemplate another's dilemma, even though we mean to be sensitive and aware, we often engage in a similar practice, laying our alternatives on the one we wish to help. That is generous and caring, but it doesn't usually work, for the one we wish to help often doesn't have our alternatives available. The project I have proposed asks you to use your imagining to discover the alternatives you might actually have had as the mother of this child. Don't lay your alternatives on her. Try to imagine what your alternatives might really be in her situation.
Phyllis, place your life sentence in the context of what the mother and uncle had available. Look at their personal resources, including talents and skills. Consider an ecological analysis of their education, training, neighborhood, family ties, and the demographic and economic patterns of unemployment and of migration, in addition to their personal characteristics. Then consider what Kelly Peroutka (Andrichik) said about the raising of children being a state insterest, of immediate concern to all of us. Given, this broader analysis, would you alter the sentence you suggest?
How much of the sentence you suggest do you think derives from punishment? How much from retribution? and for whom? How much derives from incapacitation interests? and does that vary for the mother and the uncle? How much derives from an interest in rehabilitation? And who would be most affected by these sentences, and why?
On Sunday, March 26, Valencia Ross, Latanya Britt, Cloyd Barnell, and Shameica Britt wrote: We think that Chandra Robinson had a very good idea when she decided to see how other children felt about violence. A few days ago another young child commited an act of violence; fortunately no one was hurt. A young boy went to school and held his classmates hostage because he wanted to visit his mother who is currently in jail. A lot of these violent acts could be avoided if only children had more people that they could talk to and express their feelings.On Sunday, March 26, jeanne answered:
Good point. We have understood since the days of Durkheim's work anomic and altruistic suicide. We know that not to have viable social bonds is to risk alienation and anomie to the point that suicide is clinically more likely. (This is an ecological analysis considering the structural factors without taking into account personal factors, which certainly count for a great deal.) Young children are dependent on the extended family for most of their social bonds. Where the family is dysfunctional social bonds are often lacking at a critical time in development. Most of us have been taking the perspective of society's claim against the parents to take on this responsibility. But when a neighborhood, and families within that neighborhood, have been overrun by drugs, weapons, and violence, can society legitimately make that claim against the parents? Valencia, Cloyd, Latanya, and Shameica have taken the unusual approach of recognizing that good faith listening may not in fact be within the family's alternatives, and they are suggesting that the children need more people to take over the functions of social bonding through listening. "Unnamed" provides a good example of school personnel taking on that responsibility.