Sorry to e-mail you again about this, but I can't stop thinking about that innocent little girl and what her family must be going through and the pain that they will have with them for the rest of their lives-their lives are ruined. I think they took the boy out of the mothers custody, but I'm sure she will somehow get him back and she will be able to see the excitement on his face on Christmas morning and she will have a reason to be happy on Mother's Day...but the mother of that little angel that he killed will be dreading all of the holidays. How is this fair?

Also, first the reports said that the boy ran to the bathroom and threw the gun in the trash after killing her, then the reports said that he ran and hid the gun in his desk. Either way-the child knew that he needed to hide the weapon. How and where does a 6-year old learn that he needs to dispose of the murder weapon?

I can't begin to express how much this bothers me...it makes me sick to my stomach. I'm getting married in September and we plan to start a family in the near future. There isn't a day that passes that I'm not terrified for what the future will be like for my children. Sorry-I just needed to vent my anger! Jennifer Ross (Wednesday 1:00p.m.)

On Monday, May 8, jeanne responded:

Oh, Jennifer. Fairness is not of our making, and according to most theologists not even of God's making. Fairness is what comes of our finding a way to live together in love and peace. And sometimes, quite often, in fact, we fail at that. But all the love we put together, in the kind of caring you are feeling, should help us collectively come to a space in which fairness becomes reality. jeanne

A littlle later that Monday, May 8, Jennifer responded:

To which jeanne responded:

On Thursday, March 16, an unnamed student wrote:

By the way, in response to the article of the six year old who killed his classmate, I would like to say that jealousy can lead you to many things like this incident.  As I mentioned to you earlier, I work in an elementary school, and kids are cruel sometimes with each other.  I had an incident last week in school in which one of the kids told his 6 year old sister that he did not wanted her to be near him, and that he would rather not have had a sister like her.  The girl came up to me and told me that he had told her that the day of her death, he was going to make a party.  This were very strong remarks from an 8 year old to a 6 yr. old, but of course I spoke to both of them, their teachers, and parents, and now everything is just fine. It turned out that he was jealous of his sister from all the attention she has been getting.  In conclusion, words can mean a lot, therefore, is better to speak up so that together we can find a solution.

On Friday, March 17, jeanne responded:

It would be nice to give me a name. It would also be nice not to use default for your e-mail. You need an e-mail address, and you need to read how to e-mail me for valid record keeping.

But I really like what you had to say about the incident at your school. I think that if we would listen in good faith to our children when they make such statements, we could defuse such anger long before it reaches tragic proportions. I am very glad that you were there for those two children. Teaching in this sense is indeed a noble calling.

jeanne

On Monday, March 13, Diane Lee wrote:

Hi Jeanne:

I will make an earnest effort in keeping this short.  Firstly, I have been wanting to respond to the six year old, but I have been dealing with the structural violence my nine and twelve year old were faced with, The Science Fair and Mission Project, just to make a semester grade.  Anyway, my children just as the six year old, deal with a tremendous amount of stress.  The six year old had the stresses of surviving in an enviroment that no child should have to endure, exposure to immoral behavior and violence.

My first response was that two children were lost, the boy and the girl. However my question was for the one that is still a living, breathing human being.  Is there any hope for him, and can he go on to live a productive life?  What type of intervention is there to restore the innocence of his young life that has caused him to become so jaded? Before I heard any reports on his background I immediatley knew what the circumstances of his home life would reveal.  I'm not happy to say it, but I was right on the money.

In respect to my children and stress, the only answer is to survive in a competive academic enviroment of structural violence.  This enviroment certifies my daughter  every quarter with an Honor Roll Certificate.  It was a sad day, when she recently failed a math test and got a "C" in social studies.  All the awards didn't matter to her then; she considered herself a failure and felt unworthy.  

My son, on the other hand has never been awarded a certificate, not because he isn't bright, but because he challenges those that stand before him and expect him to jump through the hoops. Because of his desire for a more challenging and engaging experience he is often labeled as disruptive, and, as a result, given detention.  He often feels like an outcast.

Over the past couple of weeks I have realized that a common thread exists; they all have an element of stress and frustration.  However, I am left to wonder is one more prone to violence than the other based upon the source of the stress?  Should stress even be a factor in violent acts?  Surely it is no excuse.  Or could it be that good people do bad things based upon circumstances?

Diane Lee

On Monday, March 13, jeanne answered:

• Was that six-year-old really very different from our own children?
• There is that common thread of stress and frustration. Could stress and frustration lead to violence? Are our own children in danger?
• Is stress a factor in violent acts?
• Should it be? Now, there's an interesting question. Do we have a choice in whether or not it should be? How could we exercise that choice?

  Think of our general acceptance of the "fast track." In accepting the hurried nature of our lives today, are we simply including stress in our infrastructure? Should we? Do we have any choice?

• And is stress an excuse? We often say to adults, "Grow up and take responsibility for your actions." Do we want to say that to a six-year-old?

I like that you defined the Science Fair as structurally violent, but I would like to know what led you to that conclusion. I believe that if we are going to end violence, we will need to know much more about what we commonly accept as normative, when it is in fact structurally violent or just plain violent, in response to the stress of perceived structural violence. Can anyone else imagine a Science Fair as structurally violent.

I don't mean to be mysterious with that last question. For me, school competitions were very often structurally violent, for they were based on the unstated assumptions that the child came from a functional home environment that provided support for these projects. No matter how hard I struggled as a ten-year-old, I couldn't compete with Joyce's mother. And the adults didn't even have the good sense to cover their contributions and leave the illusion that this was the children's work. They talked about their involvement in front of me, even when that precise detail had won the prize.

Imagine that the six-year-old who just killed another six-year-old was yours. Imagine that you are sitting in a comfotable, quiet room with him, a living room, not a prison cell. Imagine that you have been charged with explaining to him what was wrong with what he did, but also with giving him the hope of a future to go on for. What would you say to him?

Imagine that the mother of the six-year-old girl is with you. Could you help them talk over what has happened?