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Narratives of desire and awareness: jeanne's jaguars.
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California State University, Dominguez Hills This is a story I haven't told for years. There seemed to be no need. Once, long ago, I had headaches that wouldn't go away. They got worse and worse, until they never left. My doctor said I was fine. Fine, indeed. In desperation I picked another doctor at random from the directory in my doctor's building. She told me my blood pressure was dangerously high, and that I would have to monitor it daily, and asked who my doctor was. Embarassed, for him and for me, I claimed not to have one, so she prescribed medication.
But she was a conscientious doctor, and I must have inadvertently said enough to let her locate my doctor, whom she promptly told of the dangerous condition. He was furious. With me and with her. He told me I had a psychosis that made me believe my blood pressure was high, when in fact it wasn't. He threatened to report the woman doctor for seeing his patient without his permission. I knew him; he was a friend; he was under a lot of stress; so I agreed to see the psychiatrist he insisted upon, and started on a search for another doctor, one who might help me past whatever was happening. My doctor was very well known, and his present state, plus his annoyance with me, might lead him to harm another doctor's reputation.
I tried a couple of traditional doctors who were so confused and rattled by my questions and my doctor's name, I gave up and tried alternative medicine. Though I tried everything they recommended faithfully, nothing relieved the pain, and the blood pressure continued to need medication. Meanwhile, the psychiatrist assured me that I did indeed have a rare psychosis that led me to believe my blood pressure was high, and wanted to send me to another psychiatrist who specialized in such weird psychoses.
Somewhere in the midst of all this I went to a well-known and well-respected pain clinic, where they recognized the headaches, saying that usually only men had them, and that only 10% of those who did have them had them continuously. Well, at least I was rare. That must count for something. Having told me that, they said they couldn't do anything for me because I wasn't in pain. Hello!
This went on for a while with me seeing more doctors (once they figured out that I really was in pain) than I can remember or count, each of whom asked a thousand specific questions relating to his or her specific perspective, and absolutely none of whom could figure out what to do but send to me to another doctor. At some point in this travesty of health care, one of the non-traditional doctors insisted on trying acupuncture. He left me on his treatment table and simply didn't reappear for a very long time. In desperation, I got up off the examining table, opened the door, and called out for a nurse. Along with the nurse the doctor came running in, barking at me for getting up and the nurse for whatever. Then he turned to me and said, "Don't you realize I have AIDS patients who get acupuncture treatments, and if they get up and walk around and a needle falls out on this floor, and you step on it . . . " He really didn't need to go on; I knew I was in a Kafkaesque novel out here in LaLa Land.
I put on my shoes, so I wouldn't step on acupuncture needles lying about; the nurse left, maybe in tears, and the doctor stormed out. I was in need of sanity and support. It was at that point that I reached up quietly and petted my jaguar on his soft neck. "It's OK," he said, "we'll get out of here. Don't worry about it." Yeah, my jaguars talk, English at that. There are two, but only one was with me that day. I'm not sure when they first came. That was the first time one had ever come into one of the doctor's offices. But on the way home in the car, I noticed they were both playing on the telepone wires, and following me carefully, all the way home.
This is a true story. Those jaguars stayed with me for many months, actually until my neck was broken in a car accident. That was when the pain stopped. One of the medical specialists was trying to get my blood pressure under control after they had accidentally given me steroids, about which some of them didn't know, and the blood pressure and maybe a few other things went wild (my pscyhosis again, I presume). My husband suggested they give me more of whatever they were using, since it was the first time he had seen me without pain in months. But the doctor said that wasn't because of their medication, it was because the energy patterns had changed when my neck was broken. I didn't believe him. I waited daily for the pain to come back. But he was right. It never did.
No, I do not recommend breaking your neck in a SigAlert to stop acute pain. Risky, my friends. But, yes, I do recommend jaguars who will playfully get you out of crazy places, many of which seem to be found in institutions, like those of health care, criminal justice, and education. I had imaginary friends as a child. Most of us did. But they made us let them go when we were older. I'm not sure what prompted mine to return, but I'm certainly glad they did.
Why Jaguars? I have no idea. Never met one in real life. Mine are gentle, race on ahead or play on high wires, but let me know they're there. I had a friend who was very ill, so ill she said she just couldn't meditate, though she had for many years taught meditation and had been to a meditation camp in India with the Beatles. I sent her the jaguars, and she rested more comfortably, and found it easier to meditate. So my jaguars fly through time and space, and seem to really get to where they're going. Some of that, I'm sure, depends on my investment of love and discipline into their journey and their task. But some of that is the magic they bring with them of a spirituality we can never fully understand, and some of that is the love my friends invest in welcoming them. Spirituality, like everything else, is interactive, and we can help each other through journeys that intimidate us on our own.
The jaguars haven't come out to play in a while. There's been so much to do here at school and with visual sociology and the art of engagement. I was surprised to see them again the other night, when another friend spoke of the stress of the testing situation in school. And suddenly there they were, saying "We can help. Just send us over." To do that effectively I needed to explain the narrative of desire that usually leads them to appear, and the awareness of spiritual and social collaboration that lets them fly to and fro. One of the other wonderful things about them is that when I send them away that doesn't mean I lose them, for, you see, they just clone themselves, so they're here for me as well as for whomever I send them to. I don't know how they do that. But it doesn't matter. Stories, mythos, see, belong to the spiritual world of belief. They're mine, those jaguars. They're there, or here. I know that. I don't have to validate it. But if you say they're not, it just means you can't see them. Maybe the love you're investing is different. Maybe you have to believe to see them. But that's OK. If they're there, they'll try to help you whether you can see them or not. Like love invested in our world.
jeanne
p.s. The pain never came back. And blood pressure medication is still needed. Whatever. jeanne
Site Map
Previous Issue: Volume 25, No.14 , Week of November 6, 2005
News and Announcements from the Department of Criminal Justice, UWP
News and Announcements from the Department of Sociology, CSUDH
University of Wisconsin, Parkside
Created: October 28, 2005
Latest Update: November 20, 2005
jeannecurran@habermas.org
takata@uwp.edu
Topic of the Week:
jeanne's jaguars.
jeanne won't be in on Tuesday, November 22. Sorry, but the radiation got me. Instead of meeting Wednesday, the day before Thanksgiving, as announced last week, I'll be in on Monday, November 28, so we'll have all day to plan our Naked Space Exhibit on November 29, and Betty's Retirement Party. The Exhibit and Party will go on from Noon to 7 p.m. spilling out of jeanne's office.
"Ecstasy" is the trippy, messy, highly entertaining survey put together by Paul Schimmel of the Museum of Contemporary Art here. It sprawls through the Geffen Contemporary, the museum's cavernous warehouse in Little Tokyo, which too often begs for attention but is now jammed with blissed-out mobs.
Saturday, December 3, 2005
7:00 till 9:30 p.m. Please make a reservation for seating.
The Art of Engagement
Jack Rutberg Fine Arts Gallery
357 North La Brea
Los Angeles, California 90036
Revised Syllabi for jeanne's Fall 2005 Classes
Instructions for Tutoring Requests and to Upload Learning Records
Rosters for Learning Records
Updated to Late Add List - everyone should be on roster this time - jeanne
We have created this site for students who have questions, would like someone to help by reading over their work, would like some practice in using the site, aren't clear on a specific concept and would like one of us to explain it in different words, etc.
This is also the site on which you should ask me to put up a specific Message No. that you would like to use for your learning record. This'll make it much easier for me and Susan than trying to pull your messages for learning records from the general discussion.
For instructions see Tutoring.
Instructions for Tutoring Requests and to Upload Learning Records
Famous People and Concepts We Should Have Heard Of, But Often Haven't.
People
Concepts:
Jeanne's Lectures for Fall 2005
Fall 2005:
Lectures Posted for Week of November 6, 2005
Index of Lecture Notes for Fall 2005
Self Tests Posted for Week of November 6, 2005
Some big idea seems to be mixed up in all this. It's not about glorifying drugs or drug culture, the show's red herring. Mr. Schimmel writes about the appeal of Ecstasy to clubgoers and ravers in the 90's. It provided, he says, "intense feelings of connectedness with one's companions and with humanity in general." He continues, "This experience is not about the hippie ethos of 'Turn on, tune in, drop out,' but about overcoming the isolation of contemporary life - the pervasive sense of disconnectedness that is to some degree due to the failure of hippie ideals, to the cynicism and greed that followed the dissolution of 1960's counterculture."There is a dream of radicalism and the cynical sense of its inevitable corruption - an awareness that utopia and dystopia are often the same. From A Mind-Bending Head Trip (All Legal), by Michael Kimmelman, in the New York Times on Nov.4, 2005. Backup
Helnwein's Adoration of the Magi on exhibit in Ireland
Our Naked Space Exhibit on Love 1A is now started on the Internet. Visit it by clicking on the hot links on the image map below. Remember, you can determine a hot link by running your cursor over the image until a hand appears. Click where the hand is. And start thinking out of the box.
Invitation and Image Map for The Naked Space Exhibit for Fall 2005 Love 1A
You might want to look at the Spring 2004 Exhibit Online:
Academic Support and Resource Links
A Range of Sources on Global Info
Left/Right Perspectives - Cursor - New York Times - The National Review
Arts and Letters Daily - The Economist - The Sierra Club - The Guardian
Wall Street Journal - The Weekly Standard - The Nation - The Cato Institute (Libertarian)
BBC NEWS | Americas - truthout - Museum of Tolerance, Los Angeles
Los Angeles Times - Chicago Tribune - La Opinion - The Washington Post
Cursor's Al Jazeera Archive - Ha'aretz - Palestine Monitor - Palestine Report
Indymedia - Mother Jones - BBC News - New Profile - KPFK Progressive Radio
Progressive Sociologists Network Environmental Working Group - Mirror of Justice
Graduate Exams Study
Some older files not yet revised for Fall 2005, but useful.
Preparing for Graduate Study:
Mentoring
Resource Literacy
Using Academic Language Effectively
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Sneaky Strokes and Flying Good Dogs
Flying Dog is also a painting by Zhang Kai. Best I've ever come across to illustrate our site with magic numbers and unicorns and whipped cream cats and now, flying dogs, oh, and Faupel's Flying Fish.: