A Justice Site
Mirror Sites:
CSUDH - Habermas - UWP
California State University, Dominguez Hills
University of Wisconsin, Parkside
Soka University Japan, Transcend Art and Peace
Created: November 28, 2001
Latest Update: November 28, 2001
jeannecurran@habermas.org
Copyright: Jeanne Curran, November 2001.
"Fair use" encouraged.
Did I forget to write Chapter 8??? I couldn't have. I mean, I know I'm a kind of distracted narrator, but to forget a whole chapter? It must be out there somewhere. Maybe that's why those Notes to Finish keep following me about chapter through chapter. Now, this is the problem when you start running like the Red Queen. And, of course, Taradiddle once reminded me that I should just do the ordinary and nevermind the extraordinary.Yeah, my mom used to counsel that, too.
"Jean Rae, if you'd just read that book and stop enjoying it so much, you'd finish it a lot faster."
"Yes, Mother, I would. But who wants to "just read" it?"
That was Amy Kelly's Eleanor of Aquitane and the Four Kings in 1957. And almost 50 years later, I still tell that story to my students.
Yes, the ordinary. Why add magic and fun and excitement? Nietzsche? Mmm. hmmm. Of course, Taradiddle is the one who came into the office, found me typing desperately to meet a deadline, and remarked: "You're so lucky. If you get fired, you can get another job. You can type." It was so long ago we really had typewriters.
Oh, he wasn't trying to get me fired. There were huge enrollment and budget cuts at the time. And we were all a little worried about our jobs long term. He really did view my ability to type as "privilege" that meant I could get another job, albeit it clerical in nature. Shades of Jane Austen's acceptance that Mansfield Park should run on the profit taken from colonized peoples. Women should be grateful to have work, even clerical work, after collecting Ph.D.s through several husbands. Taradiddle, you just don't get it, do you?
That was Said's point. It's so easy not to get it. So easy to get caught up in the short term agenda and fail to look beyond. We all do it. We obsess, just like Fellman says. Is that how I lost Chapter 8.
I was determined, you know. Absolutely determined that I could get the November writing project done in November. We got the thesis projects sorted out, and I started in, knowing that the plot would take on a life of its own. The plot? Oh. yes, the plot. Now, maybe that's how I lost chapter 8. I always meant to sit down and think. Well, OK, just sit. Inshallah, bokra, malesh. God willing, tomorrow, well, nevermind.
Commitment, both individual to achieve, and communal to better the world for all, are always tough to cope with. Commitment obsesses easily. Once I've got my eye on the ball, and I'm determined to carry that ball, it's hard to stop and ask myself why I'm carrying the ball.
The novel was like that. We saw something in the Novel Writing Month that made sense. Practice in the process of writing. And a novel, a 50,000 word novel, seemed like a doable task. I had no concept of how much 50,000 words were. Neither did some of you. Darby wished me well over Thanksgiving, and hoped I got my 5000 word novel done. Hey, now that I could handle.
I, at least was pretty clear on how the teaching of process could work, with modeling behavior. I saw and was delighted by its potential. So what's a mere novel to write in a month? My eye was on the teaching effect and how I'd evaluate that. Typical of my approach to learning. I didn't choose Montessori and Dewey and Freire. They just fit praxis. Learning by doing is alive and well at Ambassador.
Midway through November we discovered some new ways to measure and teach conceptual linking. The novel faded into the background. But I didn't mean to give up. So by Thanksgiving Day I was back to the novel, determined to catch up. I was so determined to catch up that I spent the whole Thanksgiving Holiday at the computer. But I was writing more slowly than I had anticipated.
Of course, I was illustrating the novel as I wrote it. But no, Taradiddle, that wasn't extrarodinary. I just found the files dull unless there were some bright colored pictures to go with them. And I was determined not to "just write." Writing had to be fun or you wouldn't do it. The illustrations stayed. Actually, the illustration for Chapter 8 is there. Did I decide that painting it was the equivalent to writing it?
Well, why not? Once the November Novel is completed I think I'll play around with some illustrated stories. But you can see what's coming. More cries of "Just do the ordinary!" The "ordinary" is all those miserable essays we've been taught to write all through school. How to Write Something Boring About Nothing. That reminds me of one of our first books out of the center: Boring Academic Research Made Fun.
Yvone Lenard taught me that way back in the early sixties. We learn to speak a language when we have something to say, not when someone tells us to. And academic discourse is a language unto itself. If you want children to learn a language, you have to create situations in which they will have something to say. Freire, pure and simple. Listen to the learner. Listen in good faith and actively. The learner will tell you what he/she needs to learn. Guard against the arrogance of "knowing" what he/she needs to learn. Don't be complicit in denying the learner's agency in the learning process. Don't disrespect the learner.
I'm beginning to see why we ran into such trouble in the center. We defined disrespect very differently. The old group focussed on the affirmative action component of education. A wrong had been done, over decades, in treating separate education as equal. That wrong was done by the group that held formal authority to make and enforce the rules: largely white, middle class, and male. That wrong could not be ascribed to the "victims" of that discrimination. So we start to undo the disrespect by respecting the "victims."
But some of the "victims" weren't nice. They were opinionated, stubborn, angry, sure they knew more than we did, and just plain mean sometimes. Gee, surprise. They're human, just like us. And some of them probably did know more than we did, because they were operating from "lived experience." Our "knowingness" of what their "lived experience" was grating and arrogant and pretty unaware of the "Other." Pure empire. Our history, our experience, our technology, our understanding were superior, the special gift of the West, and entitled us to the greater success (in acquisition) that we had known. Mansfield Park all over again. It's Ok that we should have and consume more. We're smarter? more successful? more sophisticated? Of course we'd never approve of slavery, but a little exploitation seems warranted given our superior effort and talents.
It was our determination to succeed that got us where we are? Where are we, again? On the brink of terrorism and nuclear destruction? At war, all over the world? Now, we call that critical thinking, reflexive thinking. Reminding ourselves to take a look every now and then at what we're doing.
I am teaching process, leading my students into writing. So the November Novel must be done. I'm determined. Of course, I can't neglect the teaching of conceptual linking and the substance of their writing. So it's getting a little hectic as November 30 approaches. But I'M DETERMINED! After all, it's important for them to model consistency, seriousness of purpose, stick-to-itiveness.
Well, they'll just have to wait until Monday for the Graduate Comprehensive Exams. Wish Ribbit had asked about my deadlines, instead of just peremptorily announcing his. But what could I have to do that was IMPORTANT? Try telling hime the November Novel has to be finished by November 30. Go ahead, try it. There you go again. Frivilous, hair-brained schemes. Just do the ORDINARY! And that CAT Scan on Friday, I better re-schedule that for next week.
Growing nervouser by the minute, I went to the Novel Writing site to check how they wanted the novel turned in. Figured I'd better give myself a day or two to figure out how to do this and avoid last minute panic. Hah! Look at this:
When and where do I send in my manuscript?
- Because of the wonderful-yet-problematically-high number of writers this year, we cannot offer Word Count Verification. We are sorry about this, and know that there's much more closure when you get to send the damn thing somewhere.
But the logistics of processing 1000 novels is too much for our limited means. NaNoWriMo 2001 was a dinner set for 500 guests. Having ten times that number of participants has been incredibly enriching, but also made certain basic aspects of the event untenable. Next year, we will have the infrastructure in place to handle everyone.
So how do you know I've really written 50,000 words?
- By November 27, we will have a Winner's Page up, where you can log in and submit your name to be added to the Winner's List. The page has a cutting edge CGI script in it that runs a polygraph-like assessment of the sweat on your mouse or touchpad.
And we trust you. A lot.
How do I know what counts as a word?
- Go by your word processor's built-in word counter.
You mean the word processors still have word counters? I didn't have to count all those stupid 18420 words???? Why couldn't I find the word counter on Word Perfect when I looked? Where is it? Does Word have a word counter? Oy!
Now, this is what you call a psycho-physical anchor in reality. I've been counting my own words. I thought 50,000 words seemed kind of unreasonable if you had to count them yourself. When I finally go out to the site and look at the Frequently Asked Questions I discover that I'm going to let my poor graduate students stew in uncertainty about their comps, cancel a CAT Scan, and drive myself to stay up all night. What am I doing?
Well, now, that's determination for you. It's so easy to reify the object of your determination. To forget that you have to socially distance yourself a little to rethink your priorities. In the overall scheme of things, I suspect that my health, my students' mental health, and my own sweet disposition will fare better if I reread Fellman and remind myself how easy it is to obsess. Talk about internalizing structural violence!
So the CAT Scan is on again. I'll grade the silly comps. And I'll finish the November Novel a couple of days late. And we will all live more happily ever after. And, yes, I did think about getting a note from my doctor. I didn't entertain the idea for more than a moment. But i did think of it.
Yeah, they obsessed in Chapter 9 about the bra. And I wasn't kind to hang it on the board as an icon. And they probably didn't get it. But I did. And it saved my sanity.
Word Count:
xxxx words. Former word count: 18420. Total word count: 18420 + xxxx = xxxxx