Thirteen years ago, we designed a workshop on business etiquette because students were telling us that a lunch or reception was part of the interview process and they were unsure how to handle some of the situations. The social meal has become increasingly a part of the interview process in business and graduate school interviews. Employers recognize that social activities are often part of the job whether it is entertaining a client or hosting a business meal. They want to make sure their employees will not embarrass them.

Four years ago, the Associated Students, Inc. invited us to partner with them in an annual Spring workshop followed by a sit-down dinner where students can practice the skills from the workshop. Look on the calendar of events for the workshops and the dinner.

While the workshop addresses more information than will be placed on this site, here is some useful information for those of you who can't attend our workshop.

Learning these skills will begin to help you feel more comfortable in a variety of social situations.

Here are a variety of situations with suggestions for how to handle them.

The Invitation

For most social occasions, you will receive an invitation. It may be printed, verbal or even an email invitation.

It may state: "RSVP" followed by a phone number or address. RSVP represents the French phrase: "Respondez-vous sils vous plait," which means "Respond if you would please."

This means the host wants you to let him/her know if you are planning to attend. It is VERY IMPORTANT to respond.

The host needs to know how many people to plan for.

What to Wear

Most invitations do not specify what to wear because they know that most people don't pay attention. For most social events, unless specified otherwise, dress as you would for work: men in suit and tie; women in a business suit or dress.

If the invitation says:

Formal or black tie: Men should wear a tuxedo; and women a long formal dress Black-tie Optional: Men should wear a tuxedo or dark suit; and women a long formal dress Semi-formal or festive: Men should wear a dark suit and women a long or cocktail dress Business attire: Men should wear a suit and tie; women a business dress or suit Business casual or Casual Chic: Men should wear a suit but no tie, a sport coat or sweater and slacks; Women should wear a dress or pants outfit

Casual: Men and women can both wear Jeans, slacks or shorts

At Cocktail Parties and Receptions 

Meeting people and holding conversations are the goals. Do not plan on having a meal. You cannot hold a plate of food and a drink and shake hands with people, so drink first and then eat or vice versa.

The best way to start a conversation is by introducing yourself and then asking an "Open-ended" question, that is, a question which cannot be answered with a yes or a no. Ask "How are you enjoying the party?"

rather than "Are you enjoying the party?" or "What interesting people have you met?" rather than "Have you met interesting people?" Generally open ended questions begin with Who, What, When, Where, How, and Why.

Topics to Avoid are sex, money, politics and gossip about other people.

Do not feel pressured to have an alcoholic drink even if everyone else is. It's better to keep a clear head and be in a safe condition to drive. Ordering a bottled water or soft drink is always okay.

Make sure to turn off your cell phone! You don't want to interrupt an important discussion with your boss or a great contact with a phone call.

The Business Meal

Much business is conducted over a meal. The business meal will generally be lunch.

If you are meeting people for lunch, you should wait in the reception area of the restaurant until the host arrives.

Turn off your cell phone after the host arrives.

Place your napkin on your lap when the host does, usually right after being seated.

The folded side of the napkin goes toward you.

If you want to say a blessing over your food, say it silently.

If there is a speaker during lunch, stop talking!

When confronted with a lot of silverware: here is a good tip: start from the outside.

The outside knife and fork will be for the first course, usually an appetizer or salad.

The next knife and fork will be for the next course and so on.

Silverware for dessert is brought with the dessert or placed above the plate on the table.

Your bread plate is the one to the upper left of your dinner plate. The one on the upper right is your neighbor's!

Your beverage glasses are the ones to the upper right of your plate.

If there is more than one glass, the largest one is usually for water.

Only order what you know you can eat.

Don't order something you might not like or something which you have to eat with your fingers or which can cause a mess.

If you're served something you've never had before, don't make a big deal about it: eat it politely unless you're allergic to it.

Don't send the food back unless it is the wrong order.

Don't complain about the food, its temperature, taste or appearance.

If someone asks you to pass the salt, pass the pepper with it.

It is appropriate to drink non-alcoholic drinks even if no one else is.

When drinking, drink moderately. Wine or beer may be better choices than hard liquor.

White wine is usually for chicken or fish and red wine for beef or lamb but it is acceptable to drink what you prefer.

If you are asked to order the wine, ask if there are any preferences. If not, it is acceptable to ask the wait person for a recommendation, otherwise order a medium priced Chardonnay which is a white wine.

While eating, remember what your mother taught you:

Sit up straight, no elbows on the table.

Don't talk with your mouth full.

Wait until everyone is seated and served before starting your meal.

Fold your napkin in your lap with the crease toward you.

Don't reach across the table. Ask people to pass such items as salt to you.

Dispose of your gum before you get to the table.

Break your bread into smaller pieces before buttering them and eating them.

Take a pat of butter and put it on your butter plate, not directly onto your bread.

Eat with only one hand: don't keep your knife or bread in the other hand while eating.

Lay your knife and fork, tines down, on the plate when you are finished.

Leave your plate in the same place until the wait person removes it.

If you have to blow your nose, have a coughing spell, or have spinach stuck between your teeth, excuse yourself and leave the table. Handle personal hygiene in the restroom.

Don't pick up your soup bowl to get the dregs of the soup.

Once you have used a utensil, never let it touch the table again. Keep it propped on your plate or bread plate.

Don't ask for a "doggy bag" for your food or anyone else's.

Practice these tips and they will become automatic for you. You won't have to worry about how you are coming across. You can focus on the names of people and the conversation and not worry about which knife to use. An employer will see you as a benefit to their company; someone who will make a good impression on clients.

Try and have fun.